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Well, it’s been quite a while since I’ve posted anything. At first, I just couldn’t, emotionally. I didn’t want to deal with anything BRCA related. Then, I just became to busy and still didn’t want to think about BRCA. I’m now in a place where writing may be therapeutic again. I’m in Massachusetts now and ready to start my new job. My family is on the right track again and things are looking up.

I ended up having to resign my position at the hospital in Michigan, as I was still not cleared medically to return to the Emergency Room. Because I had been out on my leave for so long, the department was able to post my position to be filled by someone else. That left me having to apply to another position in the hospital. With my relocation to Massachusetts coming, no one was going to hire me into their department, so I resigned. As it happens, I had been applying for jobs in Massachusetts, thinking it would take a while to find one that fit my work restrictions. I ended up getting hired right away by a company that investigates insurance fraud, particularly medicare. I have a lot to learn, but as the company is owned by Hewlett Packard, the benefits and pay are very good. I’m excited to get started on Monday.

We’re renting a home because our house in Michigan still hasn’t sold. I’m hoping we can work out a short sale. This market is horrible and it’s been a real headache, to say the least. That is one stress, however, that I’m letting go of. Whatever happens, happens. I’m hoping for the best, but I also know that our credit may be impacted by a less than perfect outcome. So be it. I have a good job, my husband has a good job and we are all healthy. I’m thankful.

Healthy…yep, healthy. I can bitch and moan about all the things I am unhappy with regarding my body and the unfair genetic makeup that led to it, but I don’t feel like it right now. Maybe tomorrow it’ll surface again. Heck, I know it will when I have to try on clothes (a whole new wardrobe must be started as I will no longer have the luxury of wearing scrubs everyday). However, today I’m good-saying to thank you to the negative thoughts that surround my self image. Don’t get me wrong, it’s getting a whole lot better than it was. I’m now getting used to the fact that I have no sensationĀ on my breasts or abdomen. It’s unnerving and annoying, but it’s not triggering the extreme negative feelings it did before. Yeah, one breast is bigger than the other, but most people have that issue..that’s nature anyway, right? There are some things that will need to be fixed later on down the road, like touch ups. I have a weird “divet” in my cleavage area that is very apparent when my chest muscles are used, even a simple arm movement makes it appear. I guess there are fat transfers they can do to fix that. Right now, I want to wait on any more touch ups until my body is completely healed. My abdomen is a lot better than it was. The seromas are going down and the swelling is improving, slowly. I’m not sure if the muscles are fixed…it feels very strange on the left side when I contract the muscles even slightly. When the swelling is gone I will have it all re-evaluated to make sure it’s a successful repair, then consider the more cosmetic stuff. At the moment I’m looking forward to wearing sundresses all summer-something that I wouldn’t consider a month ago. I’m okay with the boobs and I know the swelling is going down in my abdomen. Now, I just need to work on getting the weight off. It’ll be hard with my schedule, but I can’t wait to get back to the gym. One day at a time.

While my BRCA status and the repercussions of it are continuous and something I will have to live with forever, I’m praying that my children will be spared. Ali has been tested and we should have the results in about a week. We’re waiting for the results to have any serious conversations about what to do. There’s a convention in Florida next month, the FORCE (Facing Our Risk Empowered) convention. If Ali is positive, I’m going to do everything I can to try to get to it with her. FORCE is an incredible organization with so many resources and information. I was hoping to go anyway, but if Ali is positive I think it’ll be so important for her to be there to help her make some informed decisions. We’ll see what happens.

Today, I have to run around and get things ready for work on Monday. It’s going to be a very busy afternoon. The sun is shining and the birds are singing. There’s a breeze coming from the ocean (which I can see from my deck-woohoo). Today is a good day.